Direction First, Then Velocity

"It doesn't matter how slowly you go, so long as you don't stop." -Confucius

I like watching little kids play sports. They are not intense like more professional players, but their enthusiasm for the game is contagious. Have you ever been to a little league soccer game? If so, you have probably witnessed this scene a few times: An overzealous little lad finally gets the ball. He is so excited that starts charging for the nearest goal. He runs, kicks with all his might, and makes a goal...for the other team.

While this situation usually ends with laughter all around, I've been thinking recently about how often we charge at the wrong goal, often with the best of intentions. Elder Neal A. Maxwell once said, in regards to spiritual progression, "It's direction first, then velocity!" In other words, the path we are on is more important than the speed we are progressing at on that path.

I work with students with behavior challenges. Most of them are behind academically, some significantly so. Part of my job is to help guide students from where they are to where they need to be. This is a challenging commission when I see a need to make up for years of loss in just one year's time. So when I started the school year, I jumped right in. I charged full force ahead knowing that I had a lot to accomplish. And guess what? It failed. The students didn't learn what they needed to. I was running toward the wrong goal. Now that I have finished the first 9 weeks with these students, I am realizing that the goal is not to catch them up academically. The goal is to equip these students with the tools they need to learn. How to take notes, how to summarize, how to generalize knowledge. They need to get on the right path. The academics will come. But it's direction first, then velocity.

I think about my path to good health. I had the direction down and I was all about the velocity. Until I was hit with a challenge that knocked me off course. I want to say that I'm feeling so much better now that it has been easy to charge forward again on that path. But that's not true. I still don't feel well enough to exercise as much as I used to and my diet is still shaky. I want to see results on the scale and that is not happening. But I have made my health a priority and I work on it every day. I'll get back to where I was sometime. It's direction first, then velocity.

As a member of the LDS church, I believe that perfection is our ultimate goal. And if you're like me, you've probably had the desire for that perfection to come quickly. You know your weaknesses, you acknowledge them, you make a plan to change...and yet days and weeks and months later, you find yourself making the same mistakes. I get so frustrated with myself sometimes. I want to be good. I want to be perfect. And I want it NOW! But again, that's charging toward the wrong goal. We're not going to be perfect in this life, so the goal is progress, not perfection. We need to be on the right path, but it doesn't matter if we're walking or sprinting. It's direction first, then velocity.

So, be gentle with yourselves. Evaluate your life and make sure that you're going for the right goal. And once you've done that, remember that while you should be moving in the right direction, you don't need to move quickly. It's direction first, then velocity!

Love,
Candace

Why I Love My Gym, My Job, and My Jesus

"The highest reward for a persons toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it." -John Ruskin

I have a student who waffles constantly between wanting to go to college or going to barber school instead. While I know both would be worthy endeavors, in his words, "Going to barber school would be taking the easy way out, but I don't want to do anything hard." I think this is a dominant way of thinking, particularly by those of the younger generation. No one wants to choose the hard path.

I can see the appeal of that line of thinking, but I what I have learned in close to 25 years of living is that when two roads diverge in a wood, it is better to take the one less traveled by, because that will make all the difference.  

With that in mind, I want to talk about what my gym, my job, and my Savior, Jesus Christ have in common--they each challenge me to become a better person.

My Gym: I work out at a kickboxing gym called 9Round. It is a pretty simple place--a room with 9 circuit stations set up. Each time you go in, you complete the 9 rounds, with active rests in between each round. The whole circuit lasts only 30 minutes, but you get a hardcore workout in that short time. There is always a trainer there to make sure you are completing the moves correctly and not slacking.  I joined the gym because the first time I went, I could see that this gym would stretch me. It would challenge me. I'm not particularly graceful, so some of the moves are really difficult. At my level of fitness, it is very hard to make it through the whole circuit without resting. Pretty much every time I go in, I am ready to give up about halfway through, but the trainers don't let that happen. At the end of each workout, I feel proud of what I have accomplished and a hunger to be better the next time. That makes this gym worth the cost!

My Job: Teaching is difficult no matter what you teach, where you teach, or who you teach. This is my third teaching job and each one has brought different challenges. My internship/first year of teaching was difficult because I was working with students with a large range of abilities and because everything was new. Teaching in Doha was difficult because I was working in a different cultural environment, with students with both limited English abilities and behavior challenges. But my job this year is probably the most difficult yet, I have to put hours a week to plan lessons that will keep my high-needs students engaged and out of trouble. I have to make sure the lessons teach content for state tests, but also are simple enough for my struggling learners. And on top of that, I have to deal constantly with a variety of behaviors that got these students sent to my school in the first place. This job has tested my abilities like no other, and while the first month or so felt more like drowning than anything else, I am now staying afloat and improving each day. I can tell already that this job will push me to my absolute limits and force me to become a much better teacher. I'm really grateful for that.

My Jesus: I think the thing I love the most about Jesus Christ is that while he invites us to come as we are, he doesn't want us to stay as we are. He loves us infinitely and perfectly despite our imperfections and weaknesses, but his challenge is for us to become better each and every day. The more that I read his words in the scriptures, the more I ponder his life, the more I try to be like him, the better I become. Following his teachings has helped me become more considerate, charitable, honest, and patient. There are many in the world today who don't believe in the need for religion, or who prefer to follow a gospel of low expectations. I am grateful for my knowledge of a Savior who has high expectations for me because he knows what I have the potential to become.

I once read part of a book called The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle. He talked about why some people succeed and others don't. He said, "We think of effortless performance as desirable, but it's really a terrible way to learn...The trick is to choose a goal just beyond your present abilities, to target struggle. Thrashing blindly doesn't help. Reaching does." #amen

Here's a to week full of joyful challenges!

Love,

Candace

Choosing Powerful

"If you do not change direction, you may end up where you're headed." -Lao Tzu

Hello everyone! It has been a long time, but I am back and excited to update you on my new life here in Virginia! 

First things first--let's talk about the name change. For any newbies, my blog was previously called Powerful or Pitiful, referring to the quote in the header "You can be powerful or you can be pitiful, but you can't be both." Well friends, I have to admit that over the last 4 months, my life went from powerful to pitiful.  

On May 30 of this year, I was really at the peak of my health, mentally and physically.  I had lost weight and gotten into a beautiful fitness routine.  I was nearly done with 2 years of teaching in the Middle East. I was vacationing with my mom in Dubai.  Look how happy I was!

Dubai desert, May 30, 2014

And then that night, I had the first of two seizures that threw my life totally out of whack. 

The last 4 months have been filled with headaches, memory problems, and fatigue like I have never known. My eating habits have been all over the board and my exercise has been spotty at best.  I gained weight, lost my drive for success, and really sort of gave up for a bit. A demanding load at work gave me yet another excuse to not get back on track, The picture below basically sums it up.

Dubai hospital, May 30, 2014

But eventually I came around and I am so done with being pitiful. From now on, I am choosing powerful each and every day of my life!

So, choosing powerful is the new theme for my blog and for my life. I will post regular updates about how I am "choosing powerful" at the gym, at work, at church, and in all other aspects of my life. I hope you will keep reading and find some inspiration in my journey!

Love,

Candace

Fits, Fatigue, Fat, Friends, Faith

"The art of living lies less in eliminating our troubles than in growing with them." -Bernard Baruch

I will skip the apology for not posting for more than a month now. I think we all know I've been a little bit occupied with other matters. I do want to update you on my health, but not relating to my weight loss (partially because I have no weight loss to report and partially because other aspects of my health have taken precedence for the time being).

The title of my post is a simple, alliterative summary of my life for the last three weeks.

FITS: As most of you know, I have had two seizures, which they actually call fits here (I thought we left that term in the 1950s...guess not).  As far as I know, I've never had one before 3 weeks ago, and we don't have a family history of epilepsy.  Needless to say, these seizures were pretty scary.  After considerable trouble and lots of assistance from coworkers, I have finally had an EEG scan, an MRI, and two doctor visits.  The prognosis is about as good as it can be in this situation--everything on the scans is normal (meaning I don't have any tumors or other brain damage).  I have just started taking anti-seizure medication and I will continue to do so for at least a couple of years. I plan to meet with doctors in the States to continue monitoring the situation. If you're wondering, no, they don't know what caused it, and NO it's wasn't stress.

FATIGUE: I have been SO tired for the last few weeks.  With the seizures and the testing, coordinating rides and appointments, explaining the situation over and over, and still trying to sell my things, get housing in the States, and organize my move, it's been an exhausting three weeks.  Now, my new medication is making me even more tired.  I have not been able to exercise regularly or vigorously, though I want nothing more.  That has been one of the hardest things for me, because exercise has been such a major part of my life recently. I can't wait to get back into the groove!

FAT: My lack of exercise, in addition to a general lack of energy, has caused an unfortunate weight gain. Now I don't need anyone commenting and saying that they didn't even notice the 5-8 extra pounds I am carrying around, because it doesn't matter.  My pants are too tight, I look 3 months pregnant (thank you to the Primary child that pointed that out!), and I just feel huge.  I have not kept my eating in check because it honestly takes too much energy. A few kind souls have volunteered to bring me meals, but it just seems like too much to ask for a gluten and soy free meal that is also low fat, veggie based, and calorie-counted. I would hate for someone to bring me something that I can't or won't eat.  It's just not worth it! I can't wait to have my energy back and start cooking up some good food again!

FRIENDS: This experience has reminded me of how much I am loved.  I truly have some wonderful friends here in Doha. They have driven me to appointments, covered classes for me, fed me, and listened to all of my complaining. I feel like I have called in every favor I have collected for the last two years! I am so grateful that God has blessed me with such caring, compassionate people to help me through this trial.

FAITH: Most importantly, this experience has strengthened my faith.  At first, I found myself asking God why he would do this to me, and why now, when I have so many other things to worry about? But through studying the scriptures, prayers, and priesthood blessings, I began to see the Lord's hand in this trial.  It was a blessing that I had the first seizure while sharing a hotel room with my mom.  Since I live alone, we might have never figured out what was happening. It was a blessing that I was still in Doha and able to get all of the medical testing and medication at no cost for me.  It was a blessing that I didn't have a seizure while driving. The Lord is mindful of us. He is mindful of me. I have felt His love throughout this whole experience and I know He will continue to support me as I follow up with doctors in the States.

In less than two weeks, I will be back on American soil for good! And though I did not meet my specific weight loss goals here in Doha, I look forward to focusing on all aspects of my health when I return.

Love,
Candace

If all else fails...

Week 20: Results

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." -Good Ole Charles D

So this week really was the best of times and the worst of times, at least in terms of my health! I am excited to share with you the results of my allergy testing, as well as my weight loss success. This will be a little bit of a longer post, but hey, this is important stuff!

As you know, my goal this week was to test a few different food products in isolation to see how my body reacted.  I started with dairy since so many people have a problem with it and I've never tried fully cutting it out until the cleanse.  Sunday morning came and it was time to drink the milk.  I have never been so nervous to drink anything! I wasn't sure what I thought would happen, but it took considerable mind power to consume that milk. But I did it. And then...nothing.  I kept waiting as an hour, and then another went by.  I had more milk with lunch and then again with dinner.  And still nothing. So I came to the happy conclusion that dairy was NOT my problem! Long live ice cream and cheese! :)

I waited a day and then moved to my next test--gluten.  I started the morning with a big bowl of cream of wheat.  And what followed is what can only be described as an allergic reaction.  Within minutes, my stomach felt off and my head started throbbing.  My throat swelled up. My nose started running uncontrollably. It felt awful.  My stomach started churning even more about an hour later (in the middle of teaching) and I wondered if I would make it through the day! Luckily the side effects started to wear off. A repeat at lunch confirmed that wheat was DEFINITELY an issue.  And a major one at that.  After a little binging that night on all the leftover gluten-ed products in my house, I got rid of everything that might make me ever feel that bad again. So gluten is OUT. (If you are wondering, I did not test other gluten containing grains like rye and barley, so they may not be a problem for me, but I'm not taking the risk.) Bye bye normal pasta, bread, and cupcakes! And basically all things Italian. :(

After another day's wait, I moved on to soy. I chugged soy milk in the morning.  The reaction was not as severe as gluten, but definitely apparent.  I got the sore, swollen throat again along with some pretty nasty stomach pains.  Tested again at lunch with similar results.  So soy is out as well. Bye bye almost all things Asian! :(

Today, I tested my last item--corn.  Now, I didn't really think I had a corn allergy, but since a lot of yummy gluten free products use corn, I wanted to be sure I didn't continue to sabotage my body.  I ate a big bowl of corn with breakfast (yum...) and then more at lunch.  And...no reaction! Phew! Long live Mexican food (just no flour tortillas for this girl)!

So, I can't exactly say that I am happy with the results.  I mean, I really don't want to give up gluten and soy, two ingredients that are found in SO many wonderful things. But I am happy that this cleanse has given me such a clear picture of what has been making me sick.  It's not going to be easy to live with these intolerances, but it is worth it for my health.

So where do I go from here? I am planning to live gluten free for the rest of my life, though I don't think very small amounts will do my body much damage (not like people with Celiac). I will avoid soy whenever possible, but I am not as concerned about never eating it, as my reaction was much less severe. As far as all the other things from the cleanse? I will continue to incorporate them in healthy quantities as a part of my diet. Especially chocolate. :)  I will continue to eat LOTS of fruits and veggies and keep up with my exercise. 

So, with feeling good some days and bad others, I wasn't sure what my weight loss would look like this week...but the numbers are in and friends...I am down 2.4 pounds! That means I passed the 20 pound weight loss mark and have less than 10 pounds left to lose!  I am so excited about this new achievement!

Here's to a happy, healthy [soy and gluten free] week!

Pounds lost: 20.2

Pounds left to lose: 9.8

Love,

Candace

Week 19: Conscious Cleanse Part 2

"Eating crappy food is not a reward--it's a punishment." -Drew Carrey

Well everyone, I am just about finished with my 2 week cleanse! I have to admit that this week was much harder for two reasons. First was the lack of variety in my diet.  The book includes a huge variety of different recipes, but living in Doha, it is more difficult to find some of the ingredients.  So I stuck with essentially the same foods as last week--green smoothies, salads, and soups, and stir fries.  I just got a bit bored.  

The other difficult part was the food combining rules.  I didn't have too much trouble with them last week, but this week, they were harder to stick with! The food combining rules are basically: veggies with protein OR grain (never protein with grain), fruits in smoothies OR alone on an empty stomach (never with protein or grain).  Seems simple enough, but some of my favorite combos were shot--no beans and rice, apple with nut butter, oatmeal with banana, rice cake with hummus, etc.  I felt like I had few snack options, which led me to eating WAY too many nuts throughout the day.

I will admit to breaking the rules a bit by having fruit after a couple of meals (so awful of me, I know). Today and yesterday were supposed to be fruit/veggie and liquid only days, and I mostly stuck to that, except for a few whole fruits thrown in (there's a reason I have never done a juice fast...and never will).  But other than those exceptions, I am proud of myself for following the cleanse to the letter!

I did unfortunately gain some weight this week, which I will blame on the over-consumption of nuts as well as just plain water weight variations.  I will not have my total official weight loss for the cleanse until tomorrow morning, since I am still cleansing today. As of this morning, I was up 1.2 pounds from last week, making my total cleanse weight loss 4 pounds.

More important than the weight loss are the other benefits I have reaped from this cleanse.  My digestive issues are all but gone, I have more energy, my body feels tighter, my skin is better, and I feel happier! And all of that just by changing what I ate! 

The next step is to start checking my body for food sensitivities by adding back the "forbidden" foods one at a time.  I am not going to test the whole list, but I am going to check dairy, gluten, soy, corn, and eggs. Hopefully this process will help me figure out if there are any foods I should permanently avoid to keep feeling great. Next week, I will report back my findings!

Pounds lost: 17.2

Pounds left to lose: 12.2

Love,

Candace

Week 18: Conscious Cleanse Part 1

"The colors of a fresh garden salad are so extraordinary, no painter's pallet can duplicate nature's artistry." -Dr. SunWolf

Well this was my first week of the Conscious Cleanse and it went well! I wasn't sure how hard it would be to cut so many things out of my diet, but it was surprisingly pleasant! My typical menu was a big glass of lemon water to start the day, a green smoothie (some combo of spinach, fruit, and seeds) for breakfast, veggies and hummus for a snack, a big salad for lunch, fruit as my second snack and a stir fry with brown rice for dinner. I snacked on nuts throughout the day. Every single thing I ate was absolutely delicious, I ate when I was hungry, didn't eat when I wasn't, and never felt deprived. I ate more vegetables than I have ever eaten in my life.  And it was wonderful.

Yesterday and today are "purification days", meaning fruits and veggies only.  Yesterday was a little difficult. I kept eyeing the almonds, wanting some crunch! Today has been a little easier, and tonight I get to have some protein with dinner to transition into week 2 of the cleanse.  I am looking forward to that chicken! 

So the big question is: how do I feel? The answer is that I feel great! I got a few headaches through the week, but otherwise my body is feeling...cleansed! I also feel like my concentration, work ethic, and even my outlook on life have all improved. I have spent so much quiet time this week just chopping vegetables and thinking, and it has given me time to reflect on all the good things in my life.

And the weight loss? Well that hasn't been so bad either. I am down 2.8 pounds since the last weigh-in, but actually more than 5 pounds since I started the cleanse on Sunday (my little "free day" on Saturday made the scale go up a little).  On top of that, I have actually done LESS exercise this week, so I am feeling REALLY good about that number!

I am looking forward to week 2 of the cleanse and then the reintroduction of foods to help me figure out what is going on with my body. Here's to another happy, healthy, veggie packed week!

Pounds lost: 19

Pounds left to lose: 11

Love,

Candace

Week 17: I Am Doing This

"I have learned, as a rule of thumb, never to ask whether you can do something. Say instead that you are doing it. Then fasten your seat belt.  The most remarkable things follow." -Julia Cameron

I have had an interesting week.  On one hand, my digestive system was truly having a meltdown.  I don't have a clue why, but I am convinced it is some food allergy or sensitivity.  On the other hand, I stayed active, kept away from sugar (until last night at least...) and yes, lost weight! I am down two pounds from last week, which means I am at my lowest weight yet!

I'm happy about that, but this not feeling well thing is really cramping my style. Literally. The doctors have no clue what is going on and I was scheduled for a colonoscopy today that didn't end up happening.  I am basically sick of waiting for someone else to tell me what's wrong with my body, so I am taking matters into my own hands. 

Enter The Conscious Cleanse, a book that I had heard about and decided to look into this week.  Before you freak, don't worry, this is a NOT a juice/liquid cleanse.  I don't believe in that and I like food too much anyways.  What this book outlines is a 14 day whole foods, allergy free cleanse. Namely NO: gluten, dairy, sugar, shellfish, soy, peanuts, strawberries, chocolate, peppers, corn, tomatoes, eggplant, eggs, potatoes, or yeast. After the cleanse, you slowly reintroduce foods to check your body's reaction to them.

Sound a little awful? It might be, but at this point, I am willing to try anything that might help.  And I can do just about anything for 2 weeks.  So what will I eat? Gluten free grains (brown rice, quinoa, buckwheat, GF oats), beans, nuts (except peanuts) and seeds, some meats, plus most fruits and vegetables.  Right now, I am really excited about the prospect of being gentle to my body and seeing what results. 

Of course today being the day before the cleanse, I might have gone a little "nuts"--again, not like what most people would have done, but I made sure to get in a little bit of all of my favorite things, especially things that I may choose to never eat again if I find my body can't tolerate them.  It was a good day! 

But now it's over and I'm off to prep the gazillion fruits and veggies I purchased today! I am excited now, but I know many parts of this cleanse will be difficult (especially the no chocolate thing...), but also very worth it. You'll get a week one report next Saturday!

Pounds lost: 16.2

Pounds left to lose: 13.8

Love,

Candace

Week 16: Insanity

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." -Albert Einstein

At least a couple of you read the title of today's post and thought I might have started up a workout program involving a ripped black guy named Shaun T.  That is not the case, although I do own the program and may decide to take it on one of these days.  

No, I am talking about insanity of the Einstein variety, that is, doing the same thing over and over and for some deranged reason thinking things will turn out differently.  In this case, it is my diet and exercise.  For the last month or so, I have been in the same infuriating two pound range with my weight.  After another disappointing weigh-in this morning (up another .6 pound), I decided enough was enough--something has to change.

I am realizing that when I keep my body guessing a little, I am successful with my weight loss, but when I get caught up in eating the same things and doing the same workouts, my weight also stays the same! So I am going to make a few changes in my routine that will hopefully spark some weight loss. For this week, it is going to be cutting out refined sugars and most simple carbs, as well as varying my workouts and incorporating more strength training. I will take an inventory next week and see what other changes need to be made.

On a positive note, I do think that my body has changed a little, even though the scale says otherwise.  This week, as I looked in the mirror, I thought a couple of times, "You are looking skinnier!", but pushed the thought away when the scale told me otherwise.  But after a couple of people also mentioned that I was looking thinner, I thought maybe I wasn't so crazy after all.  Possibly I am putting on some muscle which would also explain the scale a little bit. 

I have to admit that silly little scale is going to my head a little bit. I needed a bit of a reminder of how far I have come and how much my body has changed, so here it is--my second comparison picture! The first picture was taken right after my bestie won the Miss Carbon County pageant back in 2009, the second was taken yesterday.  You've seen the "BYU Shirt Comparison Picture" so let me now present the "Jean Skirt Comparison Picture"!

A lot has changed in the five year span between these two shots.  I am looking forward to all the changes that will happen in the next five! Happy healthy week!

Pounds lost: 14.2

Pounds left to lose: 15.8

Love,

Candace

Week 15: On Compliments

"I can live for two months on a good compliment." -Mark Twain

Well, I have just returned from a wonderful week in beautiful Jordan! I have to admit, I ate A LOT! But I stuck to my gluten-free plan (and also dairy free for most of the time), so most of the things I ate were actually healthy! Yes, I went to a Middle Eastern country that eats EVERYTHING with bread and I didn't even have one little piece! I did, however, have hummus, falafel, salads, chicken, eggs, and more!

I also stayed pretty active! We did a little swimming, some hiking, a lot of walking, and I even hit the gym at the Marriott one morning! That being said, my activity levels weren't quite enough to negate all the food I ate, so I am up .2 pound from my last report.

Normally, seeing a bigger number on the scale would get me down, but this time it hasn't, for two reasons--

1. I just had the most fabulous vacation, ate a lot of good food to my heart's content, got my sweat on, and basically didn't gain anything! Remember Sri Lanka? I packed on 10 pounds that trip! So I feel like I did a pretty good job!

2. I have been getting SO many compliments! Some people had no idea they were even complimenting me! For example, I was talking with a brand new coworker and mentioned that I was trying to lose weight. She gave me a look and said "Why? You don't need to!" And several of you commented on my pics from Jordan with kind words about my appearance, when I was really only posting to show awesome experience I was having! Compliments help me to realize that though I haven't seen a huge drop on the scale for several weeks now, I am still looking better than ever! 

As far as my health issues go, I am still not feeling 100%.  The Celiac test results are still not back from Germany, so I am keeping up the gluten-free diet until further notice.  I'm also keeping dairy at bay since it tends to mess with digestion as well.  Even though I'm not 100%, I am doing much better than before.  I cranked out a pretty hard workout this morning and have no intention of slowing down! 

Here's to another happy, healthy week!

Pounds lost: 14.8

Pounds left to lose: 15.2

Love,

Candace

Week 13: The Cost of Health

"He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not." -Italian Proverb

I have been thinking a lot about the cost of health this week.  Good health doesn't just cost money, it also costs time and energy and willpower and commitment.  It's no wonder that many people are unwilling to pay that price. Yet ironically, people are willing to pay the price of bad health. Bad health doesn't just cost money either, though that comes in doctor bills and prescriptions.  It also costs constant fatigue, aches and pains, frustration, embarrassment, and much more.  

I was thinking about this because I spent a lot of money on food this week.  Over the last few months, my food bills have actually decreased as I have eaten more fruits and veggies, less expensive packaged foods. But this week was a little different.  I mentioned that I have been having some digestive problems.  I went to the doctor and just as I expected, he told me it was "probably an infection" and gave me some meds.  I came prepared this time though.  After extensive research, I realized that the one thing I haven't been tested for, yet seems to fit all of my symptoms, is Celiac disease.  So I asked to be tested for it.  And my demand request was granted! Unfortunately, I won't have the blood results back for a couple of weeks, as the blood had to be sent to GERMANY for testing.

So long story short, I went on a gluten-free diet.  And so far, I am feeling MUCH better! Unfortunately, here in Doha, it is a little harder to find gluten free products, and the ones we have are pricey.  So I put out a little more money than normal this week to buy foods that were safe for my diet.  And though I cringed at first, I know that my health is worth the cost. 

Obviously a few days of feeling good does NOT mean that I for sure have Celiac or even a mild gluten-intolerance, but it does give me hope that I can get this all figured out and continue on the path of good health.

The new diet this week sort of messed up my brain a little bit and I ended up eating way too much.  Add that in with a few missed workouts and what do you get? In this case, a stalemate.  I didn't gain or lose weight this week, so here I am, still exactly halfway to my goal.

This week I am leaving on Thursday for Spring Break in Jordan.  My goal is to exercise and eat really well before I go and and weigh in that morning before I leave.  I am planning to stay active over the trip and keep up with my gluten free diet as well.  It should be a busy, but fabulous week!

Pounds lost: 15

Pounds left to lose: 15

Love,

Candace

Week 12: Halfway There!

"Losing weight is not the goal. You can lose weight by expelling something from your body. You can lose weight by cutting off your arm." Heather, Half-Size Me podcast

Well friends, I have good news and I have bad news.  I guess the title sort of gave away the good news, but I did it! I made it halfway to my goal by reaching 15 pounds of weight loss this week! I was pretty excited to see that number and realize how much I have accomplished.  I am also happy that I am keeping up with my timeline (losing 30 pounds in 6 months) despite not seeing huge losses each week.

This week, for example, I am down just .4 pounds from last week, and I think that is more in spite of anything I did rather than because of anything I did.  This brings me to the bad news--I am still not feeling great.  In fact, a few days this week, I felt much worse.  I am having some sort of digestive system meltdown, which is not really new for me, but since it has lasted two weeks now, I broke down and made an appointment with the doctor for tomorrow. 

I am hoping to get this little problem cleared up soon because I have been either in pain, feeling nauseous, ridiculously thirsty, or totally fatigued for the last two weeks and that really puts a damper on my workouts.  I haven't even been that hungry, though I keep eating because in my head it will help me feel better.  My journey is losing momentum and if I don't get this figured out, I am concerned I'll start moving backwards.

Feeling so sick this week has made me really remember that it really is not all about weight loss.  I didn't lose weight this week because I was exercising and eating like a champ.  I lost weight because I feel sick. So while I am still happy to be halfway there, I hope that sometime soon, I will go back to losing weight because I am fighting to do so. Until then, I'm going to try to eat well, do what exercise I can and keep sending up prayers that this problem is fixed!

Here's to a healthier week ahead!

Pounds lost: 15

Pounds left to lose: 15

Love,

Candace

Week 11: The Break Up

"It's true, the scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That's it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love. Don't give the scale more power than it has earned.  Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life!"  -Steve Maraboli

If I thought last week was wonky, this week was much stranger! Sunday was decently normal and I got in a good workout at the gym.  But Monday I started feeling bad...and I felt like that for the rest of the week! I couldn't really pinpoint what was wrong with me--one minute my head was throbbing, the next my stomach was churning, and the next my muscles were aching! So I didn't get in a single other workout for the rest of the week! (I went back to circuit class this morning, and it was a rude awakening!)

The week was also strange because I found that I wasn't sitting around counting calories like a madwoman. I'm not a super strict calorie counter anyway, but this week, I decided to be more intuitive and eat things that are good for me, even if they are higher in calories (i.e. avocado).  This more intuitive eating was really a beautiful thing and it made me listen to my body more.  

The oddest thing I did was go the whole week without weighing myself! I called it my break up with the scale. The first couple of days, I felt a little panicky about the whole thing. I was concerned about what might happen without that constant monitoring.  But as I started feeling sick, I started to care less about the scale and more about taking care of my body. I tried to feed it the right things and get enough sleep and all that good stuff. And something pretty remarkable happened.

My body compensated for my lack of exercise naturally.  As I worked to listen to what it needed for fuel, I didn't end up overeating or packing on the pounds.  In fact, with essentially NO exercise this week, I actually lost a little bit of weight.  And I do mean little--.6 of a pound to be exact.  That puts me very close to halfway to my goal of 30 pounds! I am impressed with my body's ability to regulate my weight even when I couldn't keep up with exercise. This gives me a lot of hope for the time when I am simply working to maintain my weight as opposed to losing weight.

I was also glad to note that even without the scale, I knew that I was doing okay and not gaining weight. I could tell by how my clothes fit. I could tell by what I was putting into my body.  If I could give up the scale for a month, I would do it, but for this leg of my journey, I need to check in at least weekly.

I am happy with these little bits of progress, but I'm going to be honest, I'd like to see more of a drop on the scale this week.  I am still not feeling 100%, but I have let my body rest enough! It's back in the game and hopefully crossing the halfway mark this week!

Pounds lost: 14.6

Pounds left to lose: 15.4

Love,

Candace

Week 10: Feeling Strange

"The woman whose eyes she used was the last woman the child she had been would have expected to become." -Stephen King

This week, I have been feeling strange.  You know, people talk all the time about how great it is to lose weight, how amazing you feel, yadda, yadda, yadda.  What no one ever talks about is how strange it feels at times.

It's strange to walk past a full length mirror and not recognize the person you see (Think Mulan--Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me?).

It's strange to go to a fast food joint that you have frequented throughout your life and not want to eat a single thing on the menu, not even the salad. (Even if you did eat the salad. And some fries leftover from the kid's meals you bought for the kids.)

It's strange to have an entire closet of clothes that don't fit because they are too big, and not the other way around.  (This is much more frustrating than it sounds.)

It's strange to go from "I love this food (cake, cookies, pizza, whatever)" to "I love this food, but I don't eat it" to "I don't even like this food anymore".  I have to take this moment to quote an old Drake and Josh episode: "I don't even know what love is! I used to love meatloaf; now I question whether meat should come in the form of a loaf!" By the way, I still love meatloaf, but the same is not true of fast food, pizza, most packaged cookies, some candies, soda, etc.

It's strange to go to stores and not try on some of the biggest clothes on the racks.

It's strange to have people you barely know tell you how great you look and how much weight you're losing.

It's all very strange.  But don't get me wrong, I'll take all the strange feelings if it means that I am actually achieving something, which in this case, I am!

So on to the weekly weigh in.  I am down just .8 pound from last week, which is pretty good considering the obscene amount of Goldfish and Cheerios I consumed this weekend while babysitting! I am always happy to see any progress on the scale.

Speaking of the scale, I have decided to take a break from it for the week.  Typically, I weigh myself everyday, not to obsess about things, but to watch the fluctuations. This weekend, however, I did not take my scale to babysitting so there was no weigh in for two whole days. And it felt great! So I decided to try it for a bit longer, although I will still weigh in Saturday morning!

Without the scale to give me an idea of how I'm doing, I decided to really focus on what my body is telling me and practice eating and exercising more mindfully.  Today has been a great start to that and I'm looking forward to a happy and healthy week!

Pounds lost: 14

Pounds left to lose: 16

Love,

Candace

Week 9: Choose Your Hard

"We are not to expect to be translated from despotism to liberty in a featherbed." -Thomas Jefferson

First of all, I just want to say a big thank you for all of the positive responses to my last post! I posted that comparison picture with some trepidation, realizing that I was REALLY putting it all out there! But your support has really motivated me to keep it up this week and stay on track!

This week, probably more than any week of my journey so far, people have been asking me what I am doing to lose weight.  I'm starting to feel like people are expecting some complicated answer, but it really is simple.  Eat well and exercise. That's really it.  As simple as it is to understand, it's not easy to accomplish. In fact, it is quite difficult.

I have to exercise nearly every day, and not just a walk around the block.  I have to plan and prepare healthy meals and snacks.  I have to say no to cookies and brownies and pizza even when I would rather just eat one. Those things are hard. But you know what else is hard? Getting winded every time you walk up the stairs. Going shopping for hours and finding nothing that both fit and was flattering.  Being told every time you go to the doctor that you really should lose some weight.  So yes, losing weight is hard. But staying fat is also hard. As they say in the fitness world, choose your hard.

I did a pretty good job this week sticking to my convictions.  I wasn't perfect of course, but I was much better than the previous week.  I hit an "all-time low" on this scale this week as I dropped another 1.2 pounds! It's not a lot, but it's encouraging to see progress once again.  

I am excited for another healthy week ahead!

Pounds lost: 13.2

Pounds left to lose: 16.8

Love,

Candace

Week 8: On Comparison

"Comparison is the thief of joy." -Theodore Roosevelt

This week was a little awful for me, at least health-wise.  I am not sure what exactly happened, but I sort of lost my vision for a bit and ate all sorts of things I really should not have eaten.  Now, I didn't go crazy in the way some of you might be thinking--there were no hamburgers, fries, or ice cream involved! But there might have been half a donut, half a brownie, several cookies, and a couple of falafel sandwiches among other things. 

I more or less kept up with my exercise, but that kind of diet after you have been eating well makes you feel quite sluggish.  And a bit lazy. It does not make you feel like going to the gym, running, or lifting weights. I think that's one of the main reasons fat people stay fat--if you don't eat well, you don't feel well enough to exercise.  If you don't exercise, you don't burn enough calories to lose weight. 

So long story short (actually short story short: I ate too much), I gained weight this week.  I was up 4 pounds earlier this week, but my weigh in only showed a merciful .4 pound increase.  I was grateful it wasn't more, but sad to see regression.

Needless to say, all this bad eating and less enthusiastic exercising and weight gaining made me feel a little down.  I love reading weight loss stories and seeing how many people have totally changed their lives, but sometimes you end up comparing your journey to theirs and you don't feel as good about what you have accomplished.

It was in this mood that I put on an outfit to take a walk on Friday afternoon.  I looked in the mirror and thought to myself, "You've worn this outfit before, and last time, this shirt was TIGHT!" It was a BYU t-shirt, one that I have had for about 7 years (don't ask why I keep t-shirts so long).  I specifically remember a day in high school that I wore it, knowing it was too small, but it was a day that all of my friends were wearing our college shirts so we could take pictures.  Not sure I really wanted to see it, I decided to dig through the deep crevices of Facebook and find the picture.  And when I did, even I was shocked at the difference I saw!

I knew right away that I needed to take a comparison picture, not just for myself, but for all of you.  Many of you who know me now did not know me then, and many who knew me then do not see me often now.  So, here you have it, my very first comparison picture! Same shirt, 6 years later and 50 pounds lighter!

I am really proud of how far I have come! That being said, I still have quite a ways to go before I reach my goal.  But this picture gives me a lot of hope!

The bottom line about comparison is this: comparing yourself to others most often leads to unhappiness, jealously, and  a desire to give up. Comparing yourself to yourself often leads to joy, recognition of your awesome achievements, and desire to keep improving!

Happy healthy week!

Pounds lost: 12

Pounds left to lose: 18

Love,

Candace

Week 7: A Real Reason to Celebrate

"The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate." -Oprah Winfrey

This week was Valentine's Day. I imagined I would watch a nice chick flick and eat some popcorn and generally enjoy the day of love.  Instead, I ate lentil soup and watched Dr. Oz.  Terribly romantic, I know. So Valentine's Day this year wasn't much to celebrate, but luckily, I had some other things to celebrate!

I'm really excited to announce that I lost 4.6 pounds this week! I know a lot of that was carry-over momentum from boot camp, but I am nevertheless very happy about it.  That means that I hit (and then surpassed) 10 pounds of weight loss since January 1.  In other words, I'm more than a third of the way to my goal! I definitely did some happy dancing around my room for that one!

I also got to celebrate a new, fitter version of myself! I came back from boot camp determined not to slide back into my old ways, and so far, so good! I even got up 3 times this past week at 4:45 am to run before work.  I can't even believe I just said that.  Who the heck is this girl?! I also added a lot more strength training via circuits to my workouts and bumped up my exercise to about 1.5 hours a day for 6 days this week.  I am proud of myself for not going back to my "45 minutes on the elliptical with a few weights" routine and pushing myself harder.

I thought I would start including a little note about what I ate each week.  On the menu this week was barley and white bean pilaf, lentil soup, green smoothies, and lots of nuts, fruits, and veggies.  The best thing I ate this week? Baked oatmeal topped with kiwi, yogurt, and chia seeds (I used this recipe, no oil, and added vanilla, cinnamon, and sunflower seeds: http://chocolatecoveredkatie.com/2011/03/22/banana-bread-baked-oatmeal/)--YUM.  

And just so you realize I'm not perfect, I also had several chocolates, some crackers, some chips, and a few assorted other things that aren't considered "diet foods".  It's all about moderation people!

Anyways, I am happy that my journey continues to be positive. I know that if I keep this up, nothing will stop me from achieving my fitness goals!

Pounds lost: 12.4

Pounds left to lose: 17.6

Love,

Candace

Week 6: New Eyes

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." Marcel Proust

Well everyone, I made it through boot camp! I can't really express exactly how significant that statement is, but let me try. I made it through 59 hours of exercise (including circuits, games, boxercise, ab work, strength training, biking, walking, and a whole lot of running) over 6 days. I did all that exercise on approximately 1300 calories per day.  I was pushed to my absolute limit both physically and mentally.  I gave everything I had and then some.  I made it!

The entire week, I found myself thinking, "What am I doing here? Why didn't I go on a real vacation?! How am I going to make it?", but as I was traveling home afterward, I was filled with gratitude. I thought this trip was just about losing (weight and inches), but it ended up being about gaining much more than that.

Before I get too carried away, I will tell you what I lost. Let's be real, it's much less than I hoped for. Over the course of the week, I lost 3 pounds.  3 measley little pounds.  More impressively, I lost 2 inches around my waist, an inch around the hips, and a few inches in total around my thighs, bust, and arms.  My body fat also went down by 3 percent.

More importantly is what I gained, and I'm not just talking about the 4 pounds in muscle, although that is really awesome too.  I gained a new perspective.  I went in caring only about numbers on a scale and I came out realizing that fitness is much more than that.  I went in thinking I knew my capabilities and I came out realizing I was underestimating my strength.  I went in expecting to work out and eat right for a week and I came out with more tools to help me exercise and eat right for life.

Boot camp was life-changing.  It was one of the best things I have ever done for myself.  Don't get me wrong, it was by far the hardest thing I have ever done, but I am better for it.  People have asked me if I would recommend going to a boot camp.  I can't recommend just any boot camp, because I'm sure some are awful, but I can recommend this one--Revival Boot Camp, with camps in England and Spain.  The trainer, Marty, is amazing: tough, but also compassionate.  The manager, Zoe, was always there with a smile and a listening ear. The chef/nutritionist, Diana, is one of the best around.  I loved every meal she prepared for us!

Was boot camp what I expected? Not at all.  In fact, it was much much better! I have made lasting friends, learned some great recipes, and best of all, pushed my body to a new level of fitness! Nothing can stop me from reaching my goal because after boot camp, nothing is too hard!

I am a bit sad to report that my own scale didn't even show a three pound loss.  This morning's weight in was just .8 of a pound lower than my pre-boot camp weight.  But thanks to boot camp, I am totally over it! 

Here's to another healthy week!

Pounds lost: 7.8

Pounds left to lose: 22.2

Love,

Candace

Week 5: Testing My Strength

"It's a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable." -Socrates

Hello all! Well the day has finally arrived! I am heading to England tomorrow and starting my week long boot camp on Friday! I am SO excited to really push my body to the limit and see what it is capable of! 

Lots of people have been asking me what exactly I will be doing all week.  They have not given me a specific schedule for my week, but I know that in general, it will be 4-5 bouts of exercise per day, with 3 healthy meals and two healthy snacks.  There will also be cooking demonstrations, nutritional talks, and meetings with the nutritionist and trainer. 

I am most excited to just spend a week totally dedicated to my health, surrounded by a group of people that are there to do the same.  I know that no matter the outcome in pounds lost, there will be a positive outcome in fitness gained.  It's going to be hard, but also very worth it!

In the last 4 days, I have lost another 1.4 pounds.  This brings my pre-boot camp weight loss up to 7 pounds! I am pretty happy with that number, especially considering the set back last week.  Things are really going well and my body is so happy with how well I am treating it!

I know you'll all be on the edge of your seats waiting for my post-boot camp post! I hope I have a lot of wonderful things to report!

Pounds lost: 7

Pounds left to lose: 23

Love,

Candace

Week 4: The Trouble With Birthdays

"Let them eat cake!" -Unknown/Marie Antoinette/nobody

Well as most of you know, this past week was my birthday.  I had planned in advance and knew that I would let myself eat whatever I wanted for my big day.  And I did! It was fabulous! I ate chocolate chip cookies (that I made for my students), a delicious chocolate peanut butter cupcake, yummy chicken and mushroom crepes covered in cheese and french bread--all things that I haven't had since the start of the year. Yes, I had planned well for this day, doing the calculations in my head and reasoning that even one crazy day would not set me back if I stuck to my exercise and plant based diet for the rest of the week.  

My plan would have worked out just perfectly except for one little thing--I got sick.  I was fine on Saturday and I woke up on Sunday with a very sore throat.  Thinking it would go away, I went to work as normal.  But by the end of the day, my throat was so swollen I could barely swallow or talk! I went to the doctor who told me I had pharyngitis and gave me antibiotics.  I stayed home and rested on Monday and was feeling much better by my big day on Tuesday.

I was glad that I had not gone overboard when I was sick.  I wanted comfort foods like no other--biscuits, gravy, fried chicken, pizza, everything.  But I stuck to my guns and ate pretty well! My downfall was that I missed 3 days of exercise, which is a big deal for someone who works out 6 days a week!

So what was the result of all this eating/feeling sick/not exercising? A gain of 1.8 pounds.  Admittedly, it could have been much much worse.  I am glad that I had gotten so ahead of myself in the past two weeks that I didn't even feel bad about the gain! After all, it was my birthday!

I am also feeling good because this time last year was a turning point for weight gain.  I had done well until my birthday, then went crazy for a whole week.  A few weeks later, I was on a cruise, eating like a queen. Then Paris in April just kept the feast going! I am so glad that this year, my birthday will be a turning point for weight loss, because next week, I am leaving for a week long boot camp in England! I am so excited to rev up my weight loss and fitness! 

Because I am leaving in the middle of the week, I will do a weigh-in and post on Wednesday before I leave. Then I will post again after the camp and let you know the results! Until then, it's at least 1.5 hours of exercise a day along with healthy eating! 

Have a healthy week!

Pounds lost: 5.6

Pounds left to lose: 24.4

Love,

Candace

Week 3: On Cheating

"Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow ye diet." -Lewis C. Henry

I was thinking this week about the word "cheating".  I don't like it.  Cheating is what a naughty kid does on a test when he forgot to study.  Cheating is what my students do when they look at the other players' cards in Go Fish.  Cheating is NOT eating cream cheese stuffed mushrooms or an omelet with cheese and sausage. That ain't cheating, it's just eating!

This week, I did pretty well.  Just like last week, I ate lots of fruits, veggies, nuts, and beans.  I also had a a few delicious stuffed mushrooms and homemade pita chips at Book Club, as well as a yummy omelet with whole wheat bread at a birthday lunch today.  There was no going overboard, no crazy cravings that led to overeating, just simple decisions to have something that I wanted.  That's really my goal--not to be some perfect, strict eater, but to eat well most of the time.

I am happy to report that I lost another 2.8 pounds this week! I have been keeping up with exercise, ending the week with a great two hour volleyball session! I expect that it will be another great week ahead!  And it's my birthday this week! I am excited to celebrate with both food and friends!

Pounds lost: 7.4
Pounds left to lose: 22.6

Love,
Candace

Week 2: Better Than Bacon!

“Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.”-Doug Larson

This has been a pretty great week! I stuck to my guns and only ate fruits, veggies, beans, nuts, and seeds--and believe me, I ate A LOT of them.  I actually just counted, and I have 22 different kinds of fresh and frozen fruits and veggies in my house right now!

The best part was, at least for this week, following the plan wasn't even difficult! I ate soups and salads and stews and smoothies and every single thing I ate was DELICIOUS! My favorite thing of the week was probably the lovely minted pea soup I made.  I could literally eat it every day.  And get this, it had lettuce in it! I have never had lettuce in a soup, but it was fabulous!

Other menu items were southwest veggie stew, zucchini and spinach soup, green smoothies, hummus with veggies, and lots of fresh fruit! If everyone could knew how good fruits and veggies could taste, maybe they would eat more! I love bacon, but this week, my veggies were better than bacon!

I also was able to get back into the groove of exercising.  It felt great to work out everyday!

With all the exercising and healthy eating, I saw some really positive results--I lost 4.6 pounds! Obviously, I am really happy with those results, though I know that I won't see such a dramatic drop each week.  It's nice to see hard work pay off!

Here's to another week of healthy living!

Pounds lost: 4.6
Pounds left to lose: 25.4

Love,
Candace

Week 1 (Again): Pants on the Wall

"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right!" -Oprah 

I love new years! I don't care what anyone says about everyday being the first day of a new year or not waiting for a new year to work towards goals, there is something totally magical in dreaming about the year ahead and resolving to be better.

This is the first time I am publicly announcing a New Year's resolution, but that's because you guys already know my goal--I want to lose 30 pounds. But this is more of a half-year resolution, because my goal is to lose 30 pounds by June 30.  This is slightly more doable than my last goal, and this time, I refuse to let anything get in my way!

Why the deadline? Some of you may know that I am leaving Doha at the end of this school year and moving back to the States for good.  There is a lot of uncertainty in my future--where I will live, what exactly I'll be doing, how much money I will make, etc.  But the next 6 months are pretty set in stone.  I will live in Doha, work as a reading teacher, have access to free gyms, and have enough free time and money to make healthy meals and exercise.  I'm not saying if I don't do it now, I may never do it...well, actually I am.  This is the best time of my life to focus on this goal and I intend to make the most of it!

My plan is the same as before--eat well and exercise.  I read a book called "Eat for Health" recommended by my sister Sapphire, and I really liked his premise.  The author, Dr. Joel Fuhrman, advocates a "nutritarian" diet, in which you eat the foods that give you the most nutrients per calorie.  Things like leafy greens, berries, nuts, seeds, and beans are at the top of his list. It is a mostly plant-based diet, but not strictly vegetarian or vegan.  What I like about this book is that he doesn't say anything outrageous or gimmicky. He basically says, "These foods are the best for you, eat lots of them. Processed foods have few nutrients and make you sick, don't eat them."

I decided I would try this eating style for the month of January.  I am sure that only good will come of it and I will keep you updated on the results! I already tried one of his recipes, a creamy zucchini soup and it is delicious!

I also made a "Wall of Motivation" for myself with quotes, an awesome collage, a weight loss chart, and a pair of pants.  That's right- pants.  Some people say that you should buy clothes in a smaller size so that you have something to work towards. Well, I took that one step further and hung the pants on the wall! It seems a little silly, but I have walked by them about 10 times today and thought, "Yep, I'm gonna wear those pants REAL soon!"

I realize the pants look a little huge in this pic...but I promise they're not!

It's okay to be jealous of this amazing collage I made!

Now this post is getting a little on the long side, so I'll end by wishing you all a happy and healthy new year! I am so excited for 2014 and all the potential for goodness it holds!

Pounds lost: 0

Pounds left to lose: 30

Love,

Candace